“We want you to succeed,” and with those words, another adventure begins.
Starting over for me is like second nature. I have started and failed at several businesses, projects, and hobbies. I have also found success and what I love while simultaneously finding myself in that process.
However, starting a non-profit is in a whole new category that I have no idea how to navigate. I have already spent days putting together a business plan that, to be honest, looks awful and doesn’t meet my expectations. I have written lists of tasks and to-dos just to throw them out and start over. I find myself doubting that I can achieve my goal, and I’m hesitant to continue.
I wouldn’t normally ask a reader a question so directly, but have you ever felt that way? Maybe you doubt your intelligence or don’t have enough time, maybe you’re afraid they’re all going to laugh at you if you even say your dream out loud.
This is how I get over that stupid mind-numbing shit that doesn’t help.
- I know that self-doubt is coming along for the ride. Just the fact that I can acknowledge the self-doubt when it crops up really helps me tone down the negative commentary I seem to have a non-stop relationship with. The action that I can take in these circumstances is easy. I named my self-doubt Janis, and when she jumps on in for a spin, I directly tell her that I see her there and she can come along for the ride, but she has to sit in the back seat, no driving. I’m pretty sure shes a drinker anyway. No hard feelings.
- I work really hard to stay focused on my tasks. It’s so easy to clean the kitchen or do laundry when those are tangible tasks that will have a great outcome when completed. What is hard is to work on a project that may or may not come to fruition. You will need to get tunnel vision and let the chores go for now. Remind yourself that there ain’t nothing to it but to do it. Never run from self-doubt; it’s a needy bitch and will just follow you anyway.
- They’re all going to laugh at you. If you believe that—and it has happened before—your brain will constantly remind you: If you try this new thing, people are just going to laugh at you. Even after a hundred successes, that one time someone laughed, or you failed, wires your brain to believe you will always fail, or worse, you are a failure. Look for evidence that contradicts those thoughts. You are reasonable and know the difference between failing once and learning, and believing that if you fail once, you will always fail. Challenge that narrative and change it. And if people do laugh, remember: you cannot have failed more than I have, and I’m still pushing on. So can you.
While looking for evidence that I can succeed in this new endeavor, I got a sign. A woman, delivering required Medicaid training videos in her best bureaucratic voice, said, “We want you to succeed,” and I believed her. I believe her because I have to. Starting over is hard, but I believe in myself. Remember, no matter how tough it gets, I’ll always be on the sidelines, cheering everyone on and laughing through it all, determined to move forward. Those are the biggest hurdles for me when it comes to starting a non-profit. I can wade through the paperwork, learn how to write a business plan, and even ask for help when I need it.
